Rediscover (day 40): Ending Thoughts

Forty days ago, a friend and I set out on a journey, and began a fast of rediscovery.  Even though the forty day fast is over, the journey has just begun.  I have learned so much over the last six weeks.  Things weren’t always easy, but I walked this road hand in hand with my Savior and side by side with an amazing friend.

I want to give a heartfelt thank you to everyone I know who was praying for us.  Your prayers helped get us through the tough times and road blocks.  Also, I want to give a huge heartfelt thank you to Sarah, my traveling companion.  I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you.  You kept me going when I felt like giving up.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you my friend, may God bless you for your gift of friendship.  We made it to the finish line together.

God is unexpected.  He teaches and shows us things in unexpected ways.  But then, His ways are not our ways, they’re better.   I know that I still have much to learn and far to go, but my foundation is strong, my course set, and my Guide always with me.  He will never let me go, even if I wander far from Him. 

Thank you for taking this journey with me.

God bless you.

~Laura

2 Timothy 4:7

Rediscover (day 38): My ways are not your ways.

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Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:
Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:
So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.  ~Isaiah 55:6-11

Coming into Rediscover, I had expectations of what I was going to get out of it.  I expected spiritual feelings of insight and God’s overwhelming presence.   I even went so far as to guess how He was going to change me and what He was going to reveal to me.  But it didn’t happen the way I thought it would, and as a result, I began to feel lost and discouraged.

I forgot that God’s ways are not my ways.

I had been looking for a call to action, a colossal size spiritual reawakening within my spirit.  I wanted to feel the change, I wanted it to be amazing!   But I missed something…

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.”

God had a different idea, a different and better plan then my human expectations.

As I was pouring out my sorrows to God about how I felt, as if I was doing this whole thing wrong.  How I felt so lost and unchanged, it finally hit me. I wanted action, amazing change, feelings, but it’s not about the feelings, and at the heart of it all, it wasn’t about the change.  Rediscover was about putting aside distractions and drawing closer to God. 

It was about letting go of everything, being still in His presence, and trusting Him completely.

I had forgotten to be still.  I forgotten it was FOR HIM I had made the choice to do this, NOT for me.  I had made my thoughts and ways higher than His.

It took nearly forty days to finally get this through my thick head, but it’s there now, I see, I understand.

So Father, what happens in the remaining two days of Rediscover, is up to You.   No more expectations.  You’re calling the shots.  I will be still and rest in Your resents, give You my everything, and let You lead.

“For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:
So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.”

Rediscover (day 31): Chaos

I honestly don’t know what to write.  My mind is a jumble of bazillion thoughts, all clamoring to be heard.

I can feel God tapping my shoulder, and sense His still small voice whispering for me to draw closer.  But the chaotic noise that surrounds me is trying to drown Him out.

So many things seem to be happening at once, but not in the physical.  My spirit has been stirred, my faith inspired, but my being is at war with something I cannot see.  The confusion is trying so desperately to take control.

The road I have chosen to walk has suddenly become strewn with sharp rocks and boulders of monstrous size.  The slop has become a cliff, and I am clinging to in a desperate attempt not to fall. 

But my sights are on the Lord my God.  The Enemy may blow a strong gale and try to pull me down or smash me against the rocks, but the LORD is on my side and nothing can take me from His hand.

I have purposed in my heart to let my life go and completely give Him my everything. 

The Enemy has upped his attack.

Lord Jesus, Heavenly Father, conquer the confusion.  I am listening for Your voice amidst the noise.  I am reaching out. 

Catch me.

Quiet the chaos.

Let me hear Your whisper.  

 

For I am persuaded, that neither death nor life nor angels nor principalities nor powers nor things present nor things to come, nor height, not depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

~Romans 8:38-39

Rediscover (day 26): Take No Thought

Matthew 6

Verse 25: There for I say unto you, take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for you body, what ye shall put on.  Is not the life more than meat, and the body than food.

Verse 27:  What of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

Verse 32: …for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of these things.

Philippians 4    

Verse 6: Be careful for nothing: but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to unto God.  

1 Peter 5

Verse 7: Casting all your cares of him; for he careth for you.

 

I think the verses speak for themselves. 

Don’t worry about tomorrow. 

Don’t worry about anything.  Instead, pray about it, lift it up to God.

Everything is in the Lord’s hands. 

He knows our every need and He will take care of them all.

Even though He knows what we need, He still wants us to cast our cares and needs on Him because He loves us. 

In everything, no matter what, give thanks.

If we worry about everything, do we truly believe that God is in control?  Do we really trust Him with everything? 

I’m still learning to completely give Him everything.  Every dream, every thought, every desire.  And trust me, it isn’t easy.  I have to do it each day, and sometimes each hour. 

By God’s grace, as a good friend reminded me, He is strong through my weakness.

Let’s give God our everything, and take no thought for tomorrow, because He’s got it taken care of.

God bless,
~Laura 

 

Rediscover (days 20-23): Backsliding…and Pulling Up.

The past week… backslide. 

Yep. 

This week (but mostly the last few days) was hard, very hard.  I hit a wall and instead of building a ladder of prayer and asking God for a hand over, I just stood there and beat my head against it.

Monday started out great.  Tuesday and Wednesday were good.  Thursday… I broke just about all the rules. 

I e-mailed my friend, who I’m doing Rediscover with, telling her how bad I was, (she’s just awesome by the way).  We e-mailed and chatted about it and she let me know that it wasn’t just me who’s had a hard time this past week.  She was having trouble with slipping back into old habits too.  It’s so great to have a friend to be there, to do it together.  If it wasn’t for her, I would have quite by now.

Where one fails, two can succeed.  A three corded rope is not easily broken.  

So we confessed, prayed, and made a battle plan for the last nineteen days. 

Today starts a new week.  God is merciful and teaching me so much.  Week four, here we come, the three of us, together.

One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. ~Phil. 3:13-14

Rediscover (day 19): A Brand New Day

This song by Fireflight says it all.

    I’m waking up
       The world is turning
           The sun is shining again
               I’m holding on
                 To things I shouldn’t
                    It’s time to let them go
                      I’ve been on a losing streak
                        Hit so hard I couldn’t speak
                          But when I hear Your voice it fades away

                            [Chorus:]
        And I can hear You say
            It’s a brand new day
              The pain goes away
                 I’m headed for the door
                    And I’m going home
                        I’m going home
                            I’m going home
                                I’m going home

Your love, it burns  away my darkness
       You guide me when I’m blind
          You are the light that shines inside me
               Showing me I’m so much more
                    When I’ve been on a losing streak
                        Hit so hard I couldn’t speak
                           But when I hear Your voice it fades away

                                Take me into Your arms
                                   My home lies within Your heart

                                           And I can hear You say
                                               It’s a brand new day

Every day with Jesus is a brand new day.  His mercy is new every morning.  Every sunrise is a chance to start over, to rededicate your life and purpose to live like Christ.  Let go of those things we hold so close, give it all away to Christ and listen for His voice.  We are worth so much to Him.  No matter how bad, or how far we strayed the day before, He will welcome us home with open arms.    

 The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light. ~Romans 13:12

Rediscover (day 18): Amidst the Madness

Get up in the morning, make coffee, eat breakfast, and get ready for the day.  Put on makeup, drink coffee, make to-do list, listen to the radio for weather forecast and news, check calendar, grab keys, grab cell phone, jump in the car, get to work on time, oh! And somewhere in there, have a quiet time… but where?

Why is it when life is at its craziest, the first thing to go is our quiet time with the Lord?  The times when things get crazier is when we should take MORE time to spend in quiet devotion, but we don’t. 

This past weekend was my brother’s wedding, (it was beautiful and amazing btw).  We had out of state family staying with us and everyone knows the insanity that can create, plus all the other wedding stuff like decorating and what-not, (and rehearsal/rehearsal dinner).  During all this wonderful final preparation I was tempted to just get up and get going, leaving my Bible sitting on the shelf untouched.  But my conscious wouldn’t let me be. So I drug myself back upstairs and had a very small, bare minimum devotion.  Now, all I did was read a chapter in Psalms, pretty pathetic, I didn’t bother to take the time and do more, like actually talk to God.  What an idea!    

I’ve been reading in Daniel and one of the things I’ve noticed, is whenever things started getting crazy in Daniel’s life, the first thing we read about him doing is going before the Lord with fasting and praying.  He didn’t have a little devotional he could read one day out of, call that good and go on, no, he went before the Lord.  Heart and soul, down on his knees.  Why don’t we do that?

When things are crazy, and we’re tired, we just want to sleep in, go about our day, and maybe catch up with a quick devotion before bed, but we’re so tired and it’s the end of the day we don’t get anything out of it.  This week I am purposing in my heart to make more of an effort, to get up and first thing, spend time with the Lord.  Really spend time.  Not just read one chapter and maybe lift up a quick prayer.  How are we going to grow if we don’t take the time with God to let him change us? 

God should come first, then life.  Once we figure that out, the craziness just might not feel so crazy.

 Now when Daniel knew that the writing was signed, he went into his house… he kneeled upon his knees…and prayed, and gave thanks before his God. ~Daniel 6:10        

Rediscover (day 11): What is He thinking?

I woke up this morning with a fever.  Yeah, not good.  My first reaction was to tell God just what I thought about it. 

“Why?!  Not now! Don’t You know what’s happening this week?!”  (Well, duh, of course He knows what’s happening!)  

I was texting a friend earlier this morning and he reminded me that God’s timing is perfect, even though it may seem like really bad timing.  Now, I don’t know if me getting sick five days before my brother’s wedding has something to do with God’s all perfect plan for my life, but I do know that nothing happens without His say-so.  I know that’s not easy to except, because of all the bad things that happen; as I told my friend, “That’s a hard pill to swallow.”   You know what he texted back?

“I guess that’s where prayer and help from God helps to get it down.” 

Hmmm….

Even though I didn’t want to hear it, he was right.  (I know you’re reading this, so, thanks for reminding me. )

I read this in my Bible today;

Praise ye the name of the LORD.  Praise ye the name of the LORD; praise him, O ye servants of the LORD.  ~Psalm 135:1

Whatsoever the LORD pleased, that did he in heaven, and in earth, in the seas, and all deep places.  He causeth the vapors to ascend from the ends of the earth; he maketh lightings for the rain; he bringeth the wind out of his treasuries.  Who smote the firstborn of Egypt, both of man and beast.  Who sent tokens and wonders into the midst of thee, O Egypt, upon Pharaoh, and upon his servants.  Who smote great nations, and slew mighty kings.  ~Psalm 135:6-10

 God does all these things.  We may not understand why, but that’s where we need to come to Him in prayer, lift up our pleas, trust Him to take care of us and praise Him.   

Even though getting sick now was bad timing for me, it wasn’t for God.  Perhaps I needed a lesson in trust…  

Rediscover (day 8): Pleasure in the Simple Things

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Our culture is so media dependant.  We tend to forget about the little, nearly mundane things.  Things like time with family, good friends, sunshine and hard work.  Yes, hard work.

Giving up media has left me with so much open time.  Time to spend in The Word and time to really make each moment matter, (plus my brain has nearly recovered from being TV watching mush. ).  It’s amazing the little things you begin to take pleasure in and stop taking for granted.  God has given us so many real, worthwhile things to enjoy.  Today was a perfect example.

It has been either raining or just gray for the past few weeks, so when the sun came out today I felt a thrilling lift in my spirits.  (It was a BEAUTIFUL day!)  I went into town, did my errands, then met my younger brother, (dropped off by my dad), at Goodwill.  My younger brother (Steven, who is thirteen) and I spent a super fun half hour shopping around Goodwill building him a pirate costume.  It was a blast!  Just me and my little buddy (who’s not so little anymore…) having a good time as brother and sister.  That was something we hadn’t done in a LONG time.  His excited smile just made me feel so happy and warm inside.

My sister had spent the previous night at a friend’s house, and after Steven and I were done with our pirate shopping we went to pick her up.  Her friend lives out in what we call “the boonies” because it’s so far out from town, but it’s worth the drive to get out there.  Roads winding through the Washington rainforest, trees covered in a thick layer of moss.  The sun shining down on the snow speckled Cascade Mountains and the Snohomish River.  It was gorgeous.  God’s creation in all its breath taking splendor right in our very backyard. 

After that is was a walk with the dog, Steven and my best friend Avalyn and her fiancé Matthew.  We had a great walk in the amazing sunshine, talking, joking, and watching Steven having a good time with our dog Heidi, (just a boy and his dog).

Because it was so sunny and nice, I took the time to wash my car.  It really is satisfy standing back and looking at a vehicle you just finished cleaning.  The way the sun glances off the bright paint and just the smell of car soap.  (Yes, I like that smell. ) 

All in all, the day was fantastic.  The time spend with my brother, the walk with friends, the amazing sunshine and the feeling of accomplishment after completing a job.  As I thought back on my day I realized that those are the little things that we take for granted.  With media and internet to entertain us, we forget about the things God gave us to take pleasure in.  Our family, Godly friends, His creation. 

God, thank you for the little things You have given me to enjoy.  They not only fill my heart with joy, they fill my spirit with Your joy. 

Rediscovering the little, God-given pleasures in life.

Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. ~Psalm 37:4

Rediscover (day 5): All of Me

The last two days have been a rollercoaster ride of emotions.  My stress level shot to an all time high the other night.   When I get stress, I fall apart.  My stress pulls the trigger on my worry gun, shooting me right in the self-conscious that bleeds dread, causing a puddle of self loathing to grow and spread under my peace of mind, choking the life out of it.  (See if you can make sense of that.)  The result of all this is a frazzled, blond, blue eyed pathetic mess.

In the mist of this I was silently complaining to God.  In my heart I told Him, “What’s up?  I’m doing this Rediscover thing.  It was going so well, what happened to bring me this low?”  Just like so many times before, when I woke up from my little pity party, the answer was all but written on a neon sign and hanging over my door. 

I hadn’t yet given my whole heart to Rediscover.  Sure, I’ve been reading my Bible and praying more then I have in recent months, but my heart was not in it.  I can pick out several times a day where I should have sat down, opened my Bible and spent some extra time with God, but I didn’t.  I roamed around the house absent mindedly ticking off the minutes on my fingers, waiting for the day to end.

Praise God that He is so full of grace!  If He wasn’t, I would have been a smoldering ball of ashes long before now.

It’s time to start putting my heart into it, for real.  Father, take my heart, change it.

Rediscovering where my heart needs to be. 

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. ~Psalm 51:17